Death in a bowl of sugar

I wish I knew her well…………..
I wish sand would never sift through full…
I wish she would not visit me often………
I wish she could just speak to me sometime too…..
I wish she would look at me and not through me every time she visits….
I wish she didn’t know that I feared her…….
I wish she knew that I want to know her…
talk to her….
understand her….
I wish she hadn’t come that night and taken him away…..
I wish she hadn’t run away that sunless morning, in fear or vain….
I wish she had come when I had cried out her name in pain…
I wish I could understand why her love for him overpowered mine…
I wish I could give him all that she promised to free him of……
I wish I knew why she ‘let her go’ and ‘took him’ later instead……
I wish she gave me that choice to make……
I wish I knew why she likes rockstars the same way I do……
I wish I knew what hue of black cloaks her, though she knows all my hues…..
I wish I knew why her blackness makes mine look grey…..
I wish I knew where she lived and the road that takes her there each day…..
I wish she would tell me where he is and what he is now…..
I wish I knew why she cut him open alive…..
I wish I knew why she feasted on his flesh with a promise to make him better…..
I wish I knew why she let him cajole me as a kid……….
I wish I knew why she took that hand away when I was just beginning to grab it…..
I wish I knew why she gave him the pen to wield a fêted life…..
I wish I knew why she let him smoke that life in fumes…

I wish I knew…..

I pray I knew what made her drive with him that evening…..
I pray I knew what she made him believe to be real….
I pray I knew why she tempted him to ride alone………
I pray I knew why she hated his family so much……
I pray I knew why she gave him that racket to wield….
I pray I knew why she made her lust for him so real…..
I pray I knew why she ate him for supper that evening….
I pray I knew why she spit him out later…..
I pray I knew what she did with him when she swiped him clean and raped him alive…
I pray I knew why she gave him the keys for breakfast….
I pray I knew why she took him to his chariot for the last supper……

I pray I knew…..

I hope I knew what she did when she came for her that night……
I hope I knew what she robbed of her which she refuses to return now….
I hope I knew how to take it back and return it to her……
I hope I knew what she showed to her that she refuses to let me see….
I hope I knew what stopped her from letting her pass through…..
I hope I knew why she let her fruit ripen in her womb………
I hope I knew what she said to her that has made her so dead and alive…..
I hope I knew why she wandered my home that night……
I hope I knew how to recognise her next time I see her…..
I hope I knew how to look into her eyes when I do recognise her….
I hope I knew the right thing to say to her when I look into her eyes….
I hope I could she could feel how I feel her presence….
I hope I knew why she wandered to the next room and took her instead…..

I hope I knew……….

I want to know why she’s formed a relationship with me………
I want to know why she takes them all away from me……..
I want to know why I live in her fear each day………
I want to know why that fear is for loss of love and not self…..
I want to know how she got to be such a great butcher…..
I want to know why she always comes uninvited……………
I want to know why she doesn’t when invited……….

I want to know why she is ………… DEATH!


Sardar Sohan Singh Sekhon
(1929 - 1993)
Poet and Social Worker.
Succumbed to Lung and throat cancer.

Aditaya Gill

(1988 - 2005)
Upcoming tennis player.
Killed in a road accident.

Uma Sehgal
(1965 - 1992)
Documentary film maker.
Suffocated in an Asthmatic attack.

Mohan Sehgal
(1932-2005)
Film maker.
Went to sleep and never woke up.

Asha Sehgal
(1935-2001)
Actor.
Breathed her last on the operation table while undergoing surgery for breast cancer.

Sharin Bhatti
(1983 - ….)
Alive.

I wish I knew when she’ll take me with her……
I wish I knew how long she’ll make me walk the green mile……..

I wish I knew if she would make me take them all away from me………