Thursday, May 11, 2006

Death in a bowl of sugar

I wish I knew her well…………..
I wish sand would never sift through full…
I wish she would not visit me often………
I wish she could just speak to me sometime too…..
I wish she would look at me and not through me every time she visits….
I wish she didn’t know that I feared her…….
I wish she knew that I want to know her…
talk to her….
understand her….
I wish she hadn’t come that night and taken him away…..
I wish she hadn’t run away that sunless morning, in fear or vain….
I wish she had come when I had cried out her name in pain…
I wish I could understand why her love for him overpowered mine…
I wish I could give him all that she promised to free him of……
I wish I knew why she ‘let her go’ and ‘took him’ later instead……
I wish she gave me that choice to make……
I wish I knew why she likes rockstars the same way I do……
I wish I knew what hue of black cloaks her, though she knows all my hues…..
I wish I knew why her blackness makes mine look grey…..
I wish I knew where she lived and the road that takes her there each day…..
I wish she would tell me where he is and what he is now…..
I wish I knew why she cut him open alive…..
I wish I knew why she feasted on his flesh with a promise to make him better…..
I wish I knew why she let him cajole me as a kid……….
I wish I knew why she took that hand away when I was just beginning to grab it…..
I wish I knew why she gave him the pen to wield a fêted life…..
I wish I knew why she let him smoke that life in fumes…

I wish I knew…..

I pray I knew what made her drive with him that evening…..
I pray I knew what she made him believe to be real….
I pray I knew why she tempted him to ride alone………
I pray I knew why she hated his family so much……
I pray I knew why she gave him that racket to wield….
I pray I knew why she made her lust for him so real…..
I pray I knew why she ate him for supper that evening….
I pray I knew why she spit him out later…..
I pray I knew what she did with him when she swiped him clean and raped him alive…
I pray I knew why she gave him the keys for breakfast….
I pray I knew why she took him to his chariot for the last supper……

I pray I knew…..

I hope I knew what she did when she came for her that night……
I hope I knew what she robbed of her which she refuses to return now….
I hope I knew how to take it back and return it to her……
I hope I knew what she showed to her that she refuses to let me see….
I hope I knew what stopped her from letting her pass through…..
I hope I knew why she let her fruit ripen in her womb………
I hope I knew what she said to her that has made her so dead and alive…..
I hope I knew why she wandered my home that night……
I hope I knew how to recognise her next time I see her…..
I hope I knew how to look into her eyes when I do recognise her….
I hope I knew the right thing to say to her when I look into her eyes….
I hope I could she could feel how I feel her presence….
I hope I knew why she wandered to the next room and took her instead…..

I hope I knew……….

I want to know why she’s formed a relationship with me………
I want to know why she takes them all away from me……..
I want to know why I live in her fear each day………
I want to know why that fear is for loss of love and not self…..
I want to know how she got to be such a great butcher…..
I want to know why she always comes uninvited……………
I want to know why she doesn’t when invited……….

I want to know why she is ………… DEATH!


Sardar Sohan Singh Sekhon
(1929 - 1993)
Poet and Social Worker.
Succumbed to Lung and throat cancer.

Aditaya Gill
(1988 - 2005)
Upcoming tennis player.
Killed in a road accident.

Uma Sehgal
(1965 - 1992)
Documentary film maker.
Suffocated in an Asthmatic attack.

Mohan Sehgal
(1932-2005)
Film maker.
Went to sleep and never woke up.

Asha Sehgal
(1935-2001)
Actor.
Breathed her last on the operation table while undergoing surgery for breast cancer.

Sharin Bhatti
(1983 - ….)
Alive.

I wish I knew when she’ll take me with her……
I wish I knew how long she’ll make me walk the green mile……..
I wish I knew if she would make me take them all away from me………

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

sometimes we should blind ourselves and scartch just a bit not to much.
i fail to understand this world as profound ; you want to do natural selection and still remain sparrow headed.
nice obiturary at the end though,and the friendly white angels;are'nt they just adorrable those little devils.i can see them becoming fire if i stare at em for too long.(very disturbing girls)
k.s.c

Gautam said...

hey .... whts the mood like, girl!! wouldnt want ur thoughts drifting towards the end of the chapter of life.....

Harpriya said...

i think it's the end that inspired to enjoy the begginning and the way to the end..............but beautifuuly put together.........

Zedekiah said...

kabir...yes life is an enigma. sparrows are what we were meant to be, but constantly wage a war trying to prove we are vultures still.
gautam... its a realistaion in words..
harpriya...its the end that begins all endings and lead to new beginnings....

thanks guys...

Nothingman said...

lots of people leave comments on your blogs woo woo i'm jealous he he,
i just noticed 3 of the dead are sehgal...same as me, sehgal, not dead.
nothing else, enjoy!