Friday, March 31, 2006

Sex no Bar . . . my first documentary....

Eunuch /’ju;nck/ n. 1 castrated man, esp one formerly employed at an original harem or court. 2 a person lacking effectiveness (political eunuch). {ME f. L. eunnuchus f. Gk. eunokhos lit. bedchamber attendant f. eune bed + second element rel, to ecko hold}

from the concise oxford dictionary of current english

From the ethos of humanity
Rises a deformed figure
Burn it

We are sexless
We laugh, breathe, cry and scream
Our flesh melts too
Tattoos on our cheeks
Jasmines in our hair
We are dark and even fair
Dignity? We speak and wear our skin on the fore
We walk the streets on which your silent feet tread,
Virgin blood oozes from our wounds
The bruises life marks us with
You suffer too, oh gentle human form
But though perfection
reeks from your skin
Our plague ridden deformities blesses thy kin
Make us an instrument of life we pray each night
As neither male, nor female but as the third kind.

Sex No Bar released today, with the sweat and blood

of six movie makers....

Today.... sudden contentment...............

They let us into their worlds,
and helped us discover worlds within us ......

Here's to more movies, more contentment, more eunuchs to find...............
Eye Scream Productions first shot...
first documentary.
first snap of the shutterbug
straight from the iris....

When will such a moment be, when the camera never has to stop rolling......
Oh! gentle human form...

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Just. . .

I'm Happy today....

A contented relief....

A sigh of hesitation....

After a long time......

Those wrinkles on the forehead seem to have finally rested........
A gleeful calm smile rests on my lips.........
Irises are weary but are still shining..............

I'm finally finally Happy Today................

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Lest I stumble

Fatigue such as this.

Relief such as this.

Emptiness such as this.

I await more such.

When, IF (I will! I will!) I write the book.

And those tenderly harboured dreams of doing a doctorate.

But what I can't grapple with ~
this ineffable, overarching, faceless sorrow.

O what plagues thy little heart that thou hast poured on paper?
that tomorrow will adorn the shelves of the library
for the world to see, for the world to read
O what a remarkable piece of work is a woman
O what stories incense out of derelict gates
and you imped with sensitivity
and you believer in serendipity
O what plagues thy little heart that thou hast poured on paper?

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Warped & Twsited-II

Abey yaar! when the hell is this God Damn Term Paper gonna finish and the documentary be all edited...................

Me going out of my head........................


Kisne bola tha itna complicated subject lene ko......

Bloody no eunuchs are willing to dance or perform and neither is this term paper condensing....................

History presentation too due..........
How the hell am I supposed to condense 50 years of Media, including print, radio and television in under ten minutes.....

I never knew losing weight could be that stressful and 'heavy.....'

weighed in 7 below normal today....... Not good.....

P.S. my normal is usually 10 over ..... No one scared of me now

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Newsroom Action...

It may sound weird but I think in many ways journalism is like an adventure sport. Obviously by saying this I don't intend to undermine the seriousness of the profession in any way but just the pace and unpredictability of what lies ahead makes it addictive.

If you've been in the newsroom when there's breaking news, you'll know what I'm talking about.

And not just breaking news, there's a deadline that needs to be met every hour. The pressure, the urgency and the desire to put out the best in as little time as possible. It's like the night before your exam when you can't afford to waste a second. When you drug yourself with caffeine and curse the university board for making the paper so tough. But as you're doing that you're also loving every second of it.
Only in the newsroom there's an exam every hour and the entire team runs around to make sure we pull it off. Just like these last two weeks.

Session's ending and so is the backlog of work suddenly piling up. There's the term paper due in a week. The documentary waiting to be cut on the editing board. The freaky assessmnets everyday. Presentations, tests, project reports..........Argh! If there was such a thing as endless waiting; Im begining to understand the meaning now. But as they say, you do actually tend to work better under pressure and its this thrill of an escapade that is so stimulating. Suddenly, I want to get hold of all those books I never really got down to reading. Just a walk to the bookstore around the corner, or as in this case the 'deadline around the corner!''

I remember my exit interview with Piyush Pandey, the National Creative Director of Ogivy, Mumbai almost a year ago. I had actually gone in to get my work analysed, when he ended up counseling me, with me all looking excited and all. Of course! its the brain behind Fevicol, Cadbury's, Happy Dent White, HT. I had to be jumping out of my mind. (was already doing loops in my head.) Anyway, he'd asked me really passionately 'so does media give you a buzzzz?' I obviously didn't know what the f**k he was talking about but I'd said 'yesss' like it was the only thing that ever mattered to me. If he'd asked me if I preferred a chocolate brownie to a 'sheermaal' god knows I would have said yes with equal conviction. But really today I know what the poor freak was talking about.

If you've worked in media once, you're spoilt for life; because there's nothing else you'll ever enjoy doing.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

The Gods must've been playing Holi in the Sky

A play of colours on a placid morning.
A ray of sunshine splitting through the morning sky.
A gust of torrential rain sweeping the blues, greens, pinks and purples.
A shiver of ice running down with each tear of the Heavens.

A breath of the stormy seas waving the skyline.
A sound of thunder cracking the reef of the clouds.
A particle of spectrum bleeding through the air-
traveled through the known to the unknown.

A hiss of the rubber skidding off the tar.
A trail of white gripping the path.
A hue of white frost garnishing rosy skin tarts.

Then suddenly
A rageful spark of warmth in the air.

A hum of sunshine splits midday again.
A puddle of water is all that remains
A melted platoon of little white dots in the fields -
scattered everywhere...

To think its March 2006
And have played Holi on the virgin Kasauli Hills.

Pue Bliss!!

The day The God's coloured the Earth white and then green. . . . .

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


What music is this?
That you keep playing inside your mouth.
Ever so quietly that I can't catch the tune.

What sport is this?
That you follow between the branches and adrift eyes.
Like the winner is somehow superior.

What literature is this?
That you fire behind doors of dignity.
If the only literate were you.

What plot is this?
That playeth hide-n-seek like a weasel.
Only thorns are inevitable.


The best thing about painting when your canvas is human is that the dirtier your canvas, the better artist you are. And ofcourse, it goes without saying that if you’re not the best artist, you’re the dirtiest canvas!

Holi-day 2006, my firts splash in colour. and it was fun!!!

A complete kaliedescope...... and I enjoyed every bit of it.......

Would I try it again??? Can't wait to...

And the best part it rained.... The Heavens parted, shed tears, washed away my inhibitions and fears..............

Soaked me in colour. Smudged the fine grey lines of black and white I try so hard to carve into myself.

Techicolour existence against a backdrop of a gloomy sky.....

Poetic? not quite.............Its all real

Sunday, March 12, 2006


Re-reading the words
resting in the first few pages
took me back to when
my days spiraled around you.

Unfolding an old cloth
memories flew out like dust
that gather over time
that nobody particularly put there,
along the creases of time,
in the deepest folds of life.

Two lines of nothingness
a stationary moment
short silences, long walks
strumming guitar
on a cold January night
praying, promising, pizzaing,
mulling, musing, musicing.

I gather my words, memories, dust
safekeeping a time
I hold very, very dear.

I'm a proud mommy...........My human is a nut case.

Ruff Ruff... Grrrrrrrrr.... See my Human, Got her wrapped around me. She my bacon.............

For easy human handling counselling, contact Rusty Bhatti.................

How can you not love him. My mufassa turns 5 today. And yes, he has me wrapped around his pinky. weatherd many storms with me. Been by my side in pain and glee. Slept with me on lonesome nights. Licked my wounds, healed me with affection. Still greets me with whines the moment my wheels hit the driveway. My chocolate brown mutt. The cente of my existence......

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Blank verse

end these days quick like a song without a fade.
stop the music. i don't want to live.
unplug the amplifiers. cuz no one listens.
delete the chorus.
i can't sing it anymore.
lonesome as a single small
boat all alone on the vast oceans.
hopeless as the last leaf in autumn
when all the rest have already fallen.
don't catch me.
don't rake me up.
just wait for the first snowfall
to bury.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Silent Departure.

Don't let go...
Don't leave me alone...
Don't let me trip...
Take my hand...
Don't let it slip...
Grab on tight...
Hear my whisper...
My silent call for desperation...

For all my mute cries you were always there.
20 seasons of spring we spent.

Then one day..
Distorted music from the forbidden room...

Window panes come crashing down
Amidst the tears and pain
Vanishing hopes flying away.
Up above through twilight
Shadows cast across the floor
Reflections of the past
Trembling thoughts of one
Dwelling deep within the soul
A mystical sense of reality
Captured by the craze
All in bewilderment
Of the shock in the wave
Creatures of the dimness
Chattering amongst the green
Everything slows in stillness

In a flicker of an eyelid..
reality had changed

You were gone.
Leaving my hand in mine......

Its never easy to lose a friend............

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Live Commentary from the Purana Qila

So much drama, so much hype!! Yes PRESIDENT BUSH was here...But no the world didn't stop for a minute, let alone a day. He didn't have the good sense to do any sightseeing (who wants to see that old marble tomb in Agra anyway, right?) Well, we'll just wait and see if he's more "chivalrous" to the First Lady the next time round, as the PM seems to hope.

But we totally lost sight of the bush for the trees here. The protests were all well and good - I'm all for freedom of speech, of course. But the posturing, the posing, the arundhati roy syndrome (wow that woman! I mean, yes she won the Booker, yes she's pretty and articulate and writes beautifully, but how many causes and bandwagons do you jump on before someone comes along and calls you out as a...dare i say it...pseudo!!)

Or is this just a case of sour grapes as a friend and history type seems to think. That you grow so complacent in your inertia that you find fault with anyone trying to do, well anything...

So what did these protests achieve? Jack. They got the media attention for sure and the protestors who knew what they were up to (like DUTA and some of the kids) did satisfy their consciences, and maybe even their bloodlust, but what of the political angle? How many points did the Left and the SP prove? Dragging in villagers by the thousands... And an all-Muslim rally? Puh-leez, like you believe that Bush is the enemy of Islam. Let's not be naive here...gun lobby, check, oil lobby check, and the Jewish lobby, check check, but if the good ol' President and other gora leaders can find any moderate Islamic types ESPECIALLY at this point, they're more than happy to jump in (for the image of it, at the very least)

But I'm digressing. What was disappointing was that there were no Bushisms! Not one was picked up. C'mon mr president! Laura Bush did her first bleeding heart lady bit. But unfortunatley, other than that (and the N-deal, which has been hammered home to all of us, is a REALLY BIG DEAL) he didn't really leave us with much.
The image that will stay with me is the incongruous one of a sign saying 'Bush is a bastard'...the camera pans down to the girl holding the sign, barely like 7 years old or something. Give me a break.

I do think the Iraq invasion was truly appalling and let's not even get to Afghanistan or Gitmo or the human rights violations the US (not just the Bush administration mind you!) is responsible for...

But the fake plastic-ness of the whole organised protest endeavour (except maybe the passionate students calling bush a terrorist and criminal, spouting the same tired old insults) well, for the most part, it just made me feel really old, really jaded.

But that's the beauty of the freedom of're free to protest and I'm free to protest your protest. Ad nauseam. But mind you if you were genuinely protesting, with some amount of conviction, more power to you, I say. The rest of y'all get carried away way too easily.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006